Warrior Four

Yoga is tough for me. I feel like I’m in a constant battle against my body to attain certain positions. I know that this is wrong, and I try to relax and not force. Learning to use my breath has been the greatest tool in avoiding this battle. Attaining some approximation of the position, finding focus, and maintaining my breath.

Folding forward from staff pose is a great example of this. When I began my practice, staff pose (what I then though of as sitting straight up with extended legs parallel) was nearly impossible for me. I would hunch over, my hip flexors straining, shoulder muscles tense trying to levitate my upper body. But as I progressed through my practice, I found it easier to sit upright. I began to apply my breath, breathing into my hamstrings, hips, and low back. Holding the position with several breaths before attempting a fold on an exhale, lowering, holding the exhale, and attempting to find more space each inhale.

As I do this, my instinct is to battle myself. To reach forward and grab my feet, to out-muscle my muscles, stretching and pulling willfully to advance to where I think I should be. But now I seek my breath, and try to help my self-battle be a guide instead.

I still struggle with some of the simplest poses, finishing a session a sweaty mess, but I am seeking peace. And breath is making that possible.